I was a Scene Kid

Mosh Pits: Yup.
MSN Messenger: Yup.
Spiked Necklace: Yup.
Band Tees: Yup.
Dyed Red Hair: Yup.
Non-Skip Discman: Yup.
Mixed CDs: Yup.

There was nothing like the giddy thrill of being in line for rushed seating at a local show.  Making sure I was front and center. Ebbing and flowing with the sweaty and slightly claustrophobic mosh pit. Loving a band so ardently, especially if the band was relatively unknown. It was something about being a teenager at that time, loving something so deeply and feeling like you had to prove it.  My friend Ronn played bass in a cover band. He was the quintessential friend every scene kid had.  The Guru. Every other conversation (on MSN Messenger, of course) was started by "Have you heard of [insert band name here]?"  My disc man at that time in my life was as essential as my iPhone is currently.  I coveted that thing.  Music set me apart.

I don't know where I'm heading with this entry (Do I ever, really?)  I guess it felt bloody good to feel nostalgic. 

Soco Amaretto Lime,
N

Take me to your river.

All the feels

Oh my love, oh mon cher :)

My heart is full.  I could burst into a thousand million rays of happiness.  I did not for a second think that I could care for and love someone so much. 

Ardently,

N

American Beauty

The wonderful world of Netflix...

Its amazing to me how wonderful brilliant movies seem to slip by unbeknownst to me.  American beauty is one of them.  Albeit Kevin Spacey is an amazing actor and he truly did an amazing job in the movie but the character that held my attention the whole time was Ricky Fitts.  He's quiet confidence, his non-secular good looks and above all his intensity.  I think I'm drawn to that. Those polar opposite characteristics that lure me in.  He's plastic bag monologue was amazing. 

Do you want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed? It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing, and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was just, dancing with me, like a little kid beggin' me to play with it - for fifteen minutes. And that's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember - I need to remember. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world - I feel like I can't take it, like my heart is just going to cave in.

I'm with Ricky on this one. I need to remember that there is so much beauty in this world and if it caves, it caves.

Caving,

N.

  

Wide Awake

My sleeping eyes.

Clouded little fragments. 

Blurred and hazed 

Are wide awake.

This soul of mine soars.

Freed. 

To roam against earnest skies.

Seeking the honest intangible. 

Detach

The complete seasons of "Scrubs" was recently release on Netflix.  Even before I entered the fun world of medicine, I took to Scrubs like a moth to a flame.  It was it's quirky comedy and JD's internal dialogue that appealed to me.  JD the young eager doctor, the guy who cares too much, the one with unwavering faith. Summers in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit can test that.  There is a certain level of detachment that occurs in the Medical Intensive Care Unit.  Patients have a tendency to have long stand co-morbidities that just need an acute kindey injury or a COPD exacerbation to land them in the ICU.  These patients have known suffering and live with their illness day in and day out, sometimes too long but that's another topic all together.  Rather in the Surgical intensive care unit it's quiet the opposite.  It's hard for a health care worker not to feel a level of attachment to a patient who's lives parallels yours.  The healthy thirty year old father of two who is now a recent quad secondary to a fall from a ladder at work or the previously healthy forty year old mother of three who was in a horrific car accident on the way to lake with her family.

We have a certain level of intemcy with these patients.  We see them when they are at the brink of death and we see them as their injuries evolve. We often spend hours at their bedsides doing whatever is medically capable to save them.  It's hard not to see these patients and think.. "This could have been my brother, my sister, heck it could have been me."  Yet we detach.   We detach because we have to.  Because we need to.


It's the only way to make it out alive kid,
N