Swing life away.

Well Hello *turns around in her chair, slowly*

It's August and you know what that means... NYC baby! but enough of my travel plans.

Lately I've been on a nostalgic trip. Old photos of birthday parties, Old concert stubs, some signed might I add (I was a clever girl!), old notes passed in class (I still can't believe I got honor roll, did I even pay attention in class?) and last but not least my old blog! So in honor of this trip through time I'm going to post my old short story that I never got around to finishing.

Enjoy it! (Dammit *Shakes fist*)

Untitled:

I lay silent under the summer sky, the tiny blades of green grass clustering together forming the bed of which I made a home of for the past 5 hours. His tombstone was blocking the rays of light from hitting my face as I lay there silent. Still. "I'll be okay" were the words that came out of my mouth. Do I believe those words? Did I believe those words? At the moment I didn't. I rose to my feet and looked at his tomb for one last time. I needed to get home. I leaned down and kissed his tomb. Goodbye I whispered as I walked away.

I walked towards my bus stop yet as I approached it I found myself walking past it. The air smelled like him. I didn't know what compelled me to walk over to "Garden Park Elementary" school, but I found myself walking through it's play ground where I spent most of my time with him. I sat down on the swing completely unaware that I wasn't alone in what I thought was a desolate area.
"Gramaticus?" A voice from a distance asks. I stay still. "Ariel Gramaticus, is that you?" the voice summons again. I turned to see who could possibly be the culprit that is steering me away from my bubble of silence. "Benson, is that you?" I said taken aback. "Last time I checked." He said with a quip. "I thought you moved to Arizona, what are you doing back here?" I asked "I'm kind of asking myself that same question." He said with unexpected honesty. "I guess in a since I'm here for the same reason your eyes are so red." He said "I, uh.. I didn't see you at the funeral, I saw your mom but.... " I trailed off.. "I was there, well I wasn't there there but I was there in the parking lot. I saw you." He said as I looked into his eyes. "But i thought you and him had a falling out before you left for Arizona." I said trying to cut the silence. "We did have a falling out.. but in the end it doesn't matter and it never really did matter to begin with. Sort of shame it took 5 years to figure that out. I was never one for timing." He said with a smirk. "You know he always loved you Ariel." He said frankly. "I know he did Ben." I replied. "Not in that way Ariel, not how a brother loves a sister type love. He loved you from the moment he met you, the same way how I love you right now."
His words cutting like the dull end of a switch knife. Shaking my very existance, the earth in which I stood on. I thought I was going to fall. "Please say something Ariel, please." Bensons words, asking for something I wasn't ready to give. "I've got to go. I'm going to miss my bus." The words escaping my mouth as I turn to leave, his hands grab me as I start to turn away. "Ariel, I know you're hurting and me telling you this is probably not for the best at this time but with Trent's passing I realize that every moment is a chance for living the best life possible." He said with an indescribable honesty that truely scared me. "You said it yourself, You never were one for timing" I said as I turned and walked towards the gates of the park. I could feel his eyes starring at me as I walked away hurt because of Trent's passing and scared of not knowing how I felt.
I'm 20 years old. I've taken the bus since I was 12. Equaling 8 long years, several hours, and countless minutes riding the bus. Never once did I cry on the bus, even when I was in freshman year and Bobby Freidman had ducked taped a box of tampons on my locker as a prank. I wanted to cry but my pride didn't allow for it. Hubirus, it's a greek thing. So when I got on the bus, asked for my transfer I thought today wasn't going to be any diffrent. I was wrong. Benson's words just kept replaying in my head over and over again. So I cried. I cried because I was frustrated, I cried because I was lonely but I cried mosty because I was scarred. Scarred of not knowning how I feel.
I got home. Exhausted. Not only physically but mentally. My bed at that moment was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. A safe haven of soft linens and 300 thread count sheets that would instantly expell all the bad in the world the moment I lay on it. I love sleep, adore it, have since I was a child. So why was it so hard to fall asleep? Crazy question, stupid question because I know the answer. I gave up on trying to fall asleep and walked to the kitchen. Maybe some tea, or some warm milk with cinnamon will help. I remember when I was a kid and I used to have really scary nightmares, I would wake up my mom in the middle of the night and she'd use to make me warm milk with cinnamon and hug me back to sleep. I miss her and I know dad does too. I look over to my mom's photo in the hall way and smile. In that instant my phone vibrates on the table underneath it. A text message.

To: 1-204 555-4567
Ariel, it's me Ben.
Meet me at groves dale park.
I promise to be on time.
This time. :)

I throw on a sweater, put a note on the fridge. Unlock my bike from the fence and make my way through the night.

The cold air of the early morning fills my lungs as I peddle towards groves dale park. The early morning twilight illuminating my path. The chains of my bike grind and shift as I peddle faster, and faster untill my breath escapes me and for a moment I feel weightless. He was sitting on the tire swing as I pulled up and pushed down the kick stand on my bike.

" I got your text... what's up." I say as I sat beside him on the tire swing. A silence remains and lingers. He starts to push off from the ground with his feet, spinning the tire, swing it gently too and fro. "I used to bike with Trent all the time, it was this sort of ritual we had going for quiet some time. It was like our escape, our way of inching towards freedom. Every little bit futher our parents let us go was that every inch closer to our independance. There was this one time, it was the beginning of the summer between grad six and grade seven where our parents let us go to the 711 all the way in the Meadow's East area, we were so stoked. We saved all the change we had and motored it over there, do you remember that road behind the 711 that lead out into our area, that really bumpy road, I think it's called Aregale street, anyways trent still didn't really master the art of riding his bike with one hand, so on our way back from 711 trent had his slurpee in one hand and his other one on the bike. Needless to say when Trent road over one of the pot holes, his half filled slurpeed went flying all over the place. Oh man was he ever pissed. He got off his bike and just started yelling bloody murder and picked up his (what he thought was empty) slurpee cup and threw it across the street only to have it splash up his arm and all over his shirt." He said gingerly. We both laughed.
"I started laughing so hard I couldn't even stand up, Ariel. Is was that short of hysterical laughter the renders you weak in the knees. " He said with a smile on his face. That truly genuine smile, the kind that you would see on a child on Christmas morning.

"He was always so stubborn and strong, even in his last few months with us, he would always be telling us to smile." I said softly. "It must have been hard seeing him go through chemo like that, watching it slow taking his energy." Ben said as he pushed off the ground with his feet again. "It was. I can't lie. It was like seeing superman, my superman lose his powers. I tried to be strong for him and act like I wasn't scarred of losing him at first but he always had a way of taking away my fears. It's like he knew that this wasn't the end for him that one day we'd see each other again." I said as the sharp sting of tears rolled down my face. I moved closer and rested my head on Ben shoulders, he wrapped his arms around me and gently kissed my forehead and for that moment I truely felt safe. "When he said he was stopping treatment, I was so angry. I felt like he was giving up. I didn't understand him. Not until now... He wasn't giving up, he was fighting... fighting for the life he deserved. The life that awaited him with the people he cared about not the life confined between hospital walls." The words escaping my mouth, filling the morning sky.

Ben held me close, listening to every word, every phrase. Not saying one word, just listening. The chill I once felt from the cold air had disappeared, and all that remained was us.

The morning sun shined upon us as we continued to talk. Talk about Trent and the years after Ben left for Arizona, also about Ben's life in Arizona and the life he lives there. He Told me about how it was hard after his parent's divorce to pick up and start new in another town, in another state. How he's in University studying to become a doctor. Every word seemed to glisten and suspend in the morning air, as if gravity had no barring over them.

We continued talking for hours, speaking as if five years had not passed us by until the realities of time dawned upon us. I walked over to my bike and pushed the kick stand up. "Thanks for coming Ariel, it means a lot." Ben said "Thanks for listening." I said as I leaned in to give Ben a hug. Holding each other tight as I rested my head on his shoulder. Releasing each other ever so slightly I looked into his eyes and did something I never thought I would do, I did something I told myself I wasn't going to do. I kissed him. I kissed him with passion and with the kind of intensity that sent shock waves up through out my body.

Oddly enough it didn't feel weird, it felt... it felt right.

I think I'll always remeber that morning biking home from the park. The way the leaves on the trees looked, the way the wind felt as it brushed against my face, the way that deep down inside of me I knew Trent was watching over me that morning. I felt him there. Everything suddenly seemed like it made sense.

I got home. Locked my bike in the shed. Looked at my bed and smiled. "Finially" I whispered.

The afternoon sun creeped into my room, shinning through my crappy curtains. "I really gotta get new curtains" I thought...then a break in the afternoon silence... "Well well well look who finially got up." My brother said as he drop kicked himself upon my bed. "Hey hey hey, Dillion not so rough, my bed is precious to me." I scolded jokingly. "Tsk tsk tsk always proctecting the ones you love...." he said as he rested his head upon my pillow. "So ariel, where did you go so late, or should I say so early." He asked pryingly. "Hmm. if i were to tell you dillion, i would have to kill you." I said coyly. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I know already. You went to the park to met up with Ben" He said with a smile. "What!? how do you know that?" I said in amazement "I know ALLLL Ariel... I know ALLL..." he said oh so coyly yet again. "Oh come off it. how did you find out?" I said asertively this time. "How else do find out about things? I read your text messages." He said matter of factly. "But my texts are locked with a password." I said in amazement.. again. Dillion stared at me. Silly me, to think I have secerts. "You know my password." "Ahh Yes. of course, but moving beyond the fact. Tell me, what happened. Why are you talking to Ben? I didn't even know he was in town. I saw Dad talking to Ben's mom at the funeral but I didn't see Ben there. I assumed he stayed back in Arizona" He said in a hurry, trying to finish his sentence in suspense of my reply. I told him about what happened after I left Trent's grave, about what was said, what I felt. Also about our time in the park and about how the whole situation made me feel, How like for once somethign was right when everything was so wrong for so long.... and just like the calm before the storm. A reality made its way into the for-front like a cold sheet of rain. "Ariel, Dad was talking to Ben's mom this morning on the phone. They leave for Arizona tonight..."

shit.

The comfort is gone. the lights dim. saftey has exited stage left. Please return your trays into the "up right position".

It was a sort of blinded hope.

"idiot" I said as I walked out of the house. The screen door slammed as it was on its last hinges. I made my way to the swing set.

All I could do with swing.

Kick, Push, Kick, Push, Coast.

It took away the thoughts. It seemed like with every passing swing, thoughts escaped into the afternoon air.

The sound of the screen door pushed those thoughts right back into the place they escaped from.

"I take it your brother told you" Ben said as he inched his way closer. "Ariel.. I didn't want..." he drifted off. The sun blistered upon my shoulders, as I gained the courage to ask him when his flight left. "10:00 pm" He replied back. "So were you ever going to tell me or were you going to leave without saying a word?" I asked as he walked over to the swing set and sat down beside me. "Ariel, when I arrieved I was convienced that nothing would happen. I had convienced myself that I'd say my last goodbyes to Trent and lay to rest the feelings I had for you along side him. Yet when I saw you yesterday, sitting there the same way you're sitting here today it wasn't something I was ready to lay to rest. Trent left this earth without telling you how he felt, I didn't want to leave here without getting that chance. I realized that I didn't want leave knowing I would have regretted every single moment that went by without telling you how I truly feel about you. His words etching into my skin, bloody, stinging and raw silence that only thing remaining "Man, I'm such a loser, I come back to say goodbye to everything and here I am failing miseribly...
please say something Ariel" he pleaded to the silence. "Will you come with me?" I asked. He noded. I lead him to the shed as I got out Mine and my brother's bike. We rode in silence side by side, the whole time never asking where we were going yet deep down I think he knew where we were heading.

"I think I'll leave you with him for a moment. I'll be back." I picked up my bike as I walked away from Trent's grave. Ben kneeling at his tombstone. I didn't need to be there. it wasn't my place. When I returned, I found Ben with a since of peace that some how I knew he hadn't had in such a long time. "You hungry? wanna grab a slice of pizza with me?" I asked. "More than you'll ever know."

We took our pizzas to go and headed over to Garden Park elementry school. We sat, we swung, we jumped in the sand and reclaimed the childhood which we left behind. "Wanna go for a bike ride?"

We rode our bikes the way we did as if those years did not pass. Riding them all the way to fair field park. "Do you remember we used to play forest here." Ben said as he held me under the shade of a massive oak tree. "Yeah, you used to bring all our "gear" to play forrest. Our "tent" that you made out of your old bed sheets your mom thought you threw away, or the "fire" you and I made out of orange and red construction paper because we weren't allowed to use matches." I said giggling at the thought. "We made our own little home in this forrest and we didn't even know it." Ben said as he drew me in closer into his embrace. "Yeah.. we did, didn't we" I said looking into his eyes as I lended in to kiss him. Our lips sealed in an moment, wanting and knowing what came next. Excited at giving him myself and unafraid to recieve him.


We grabed our bikes as the sun was setting in the horizon. Silence and unspoken words filled the air as we rode our bikes back to Ben's aunt's house where he was staying. Sadness has yet to make his appearance but was to be expected. We parked our bikes in the driveway as we walked up the path way.

"So you should get to packing, hey?" I muttered.
"Yeah" He said we a sigh. "I'm glad you came back, unexpected but glad none the less" I said "I, I, I really don't know what to say" He confessed. "I believe Goodbye is tradition" I quiped. "I can't say that to you" he said. "I don't think you really have a choice, do you?" I said, trying to hold back the sting of sharp tears. "give me a hug." he said as he grabed me close. I'll be back. Go. I said as I shaked my head turning to grab the bikes. He grabed my hand and held me as we kissed unaware he had slipped a note in my sweater pocket. He entered the house and I was left alone with two bikes in a dark driveway swiping away the tears.

The walk home was agony, It was like being numb yet fully aware of every single inflicted pain. I wheel mine and my brother's bike down the back lane, letting them fall to the ground beside the shed as my body made its way to the cold concrete. Laying there under the nights sky, I slip my hands into my pockets, finding all that remains of Ben, a note on a piece of 8 X 10.


Ariel.


If your in, I'm in.

See you next month.
Ben.